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| I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking His last cigarette
I said, Where you been?
He said, Ask anything.
I am so glad this year is done. I can now officially say, the most stressful year as of now, is finally over. Now I will reap all that I have sowed. Looking back on this year, I can see where I've gone wrong, but thinking about it, I wouldn't have changed a thing. Sure, as of now, it sucks that I've drifted away from God and all my church friends, but, I feel that this drift has shown me exactly how much I need Him and all of you. It's like being in a love relationship, where you don't realize how much you truly appreciate the person and need them, until it feels as if they're not there. And now that I have no more excuses, I am definitely getting back on track, beginning with a hangout. Anyone want to go exploring DC with me sometime before break ends? Actually, I should start by continuing my quiet time journal, but dc exploring later? I'm also thankful for all those clubs and after school events that I kept complaining about throughout the year, cause guess what? I was able to make my college application and resume look amazing with them. Now I don't feel like such a loser after all. But so far, the only thing that I would change is my weight, cause that, does not really teach me a lesson except for the fact that I eat too much and exercise too little, but guess what? I already knew that. But what can I say? I kinda deserved this weight, but I definitely have to slim down some at least for Prom. Anyone want to come with?
I would also like to thank some people this year for helping me get through it:
To God, for always whispering in my head even though I didn't try to listen to what you had to say.
To all the teachers( yes, this is a suckup moment) for writing my college recs and making school, not so boring after all.
To Jemma, cause, life would've sucked if you weren't around to talk to me. You kept me from dying of boredom
To Christy and Chelsea, for basically taking Invisible Children and running with it
To Amy cause you definitely make me a morning person
To Michael C, cause without your continual proding, I would've never tried going to WCF
To Katie, for listening to me rant most of last year.
To Cathy, for being so mean yet genunine to me. And just so you know, I totally did not appreciate you not telling me that when you meant you'd be out of town, you meant you'd be skiing at the exact same place as me.><
To Sarah for your stupid humor first thing in the morning
To Jesse, for listening to my rants and for putting up with my teasing. But man, you got to get some guts and just ASK.
To Michael Ip for being my pepper buddy. You will always be the Chief
To Raisa, for making that video for me. and for sharing your test strategies with me. Greatly appreciated.:]
To Everyone else, cause guess what? You guys are great for dealing with me, espeically in my perpetual bad moods. I couldn't have gotten through the year without you all! :]
And now, what we've all been waiting for, my New Year Resolutions. I can already see your smirking little faces as you mock my naivette in thinking that this year will be different. But guess what, it will, cause as soon as I post this online, you'll record this in your mind, and tease me endlessly, until I feel compelled to prove you wrong, and then go out and live them all out. you ready?
1. Exercise, everyday, at least 30 min set out.
2. Quiet Time, at least 5 min.
3. Read 6 books that are not required for school.
All i've got to say now is: GET READY, CAUSE IT'S OOOOOOHHHHHHHNIIIIIINNNNNEEEE.
we're totally gonna own your socks this year, so sit back, and watch how we run this. And in the end the words won't matter
'Cause in the end nothing stays the same
And in the end dreams just scatter and fall like rain
'Cause all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, something real | | |
| It feels so different being here,
I was so used to being next to you,
Life for me is not the same,
There's no one to turn to.
I don't know why I let it go too far,
Starting over - it's so hard.
Seems like everywhere I try to go,
I keep thinking of you
So apparently, SP2k10 is already starting its application process, as 2 people have already approached me asking for my application so that they can see what they ought to bs like. They're thinking that they'll get into a bs class that they can cut everyday and run to MickeyD's or Theo's to listen to the Greek people there fighting. The only advice i'd probably want to give all you potential senior planners is, be prepared for the change. and yes, that means less time with friends. In senior planning, you end up drifting from your old life and falling into this whirlwind of planning and you end up realizing you're in a completely different place from where you were headed surrounded with all these people that you would never expect to hang out with. That's a good thing and a bad thing. It's kind of like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.( maybe that'd explain why half the class is dating each other).You've got to know when to pull yourself out, and connect with your other friends, and when to say no. But you've also got to remember the commitment you made when you signed up for this class. You're going to be there for every fundraiser, yes even if that means waking up 7 in the morning to sit outside of the voting site until 7 at night selling food while everyone else is chilling at home.or til 12:30 to pull out last min. decorations for float. Personally, I almost slightly regret this decision. I miss being able to sleep at 12 everynight, and I definitely miss the closeness I had with God before, when i had so much free time. Not only that, but i also miss chilling with friends and just plain silence. Now, it's full of random seniors i barely talk to come up to me discussing senior fees or where our prom location is so that they can coordinate their dresses.But the plus side, is that, of course, its beautiful on my college application. And I also met so many other crazy senior planners that are cool to the core, with many points of views i'd never even considered. And, I get the power to decide how prom will turn out.(so be nice to me.>:])So when you fill out your application with all the reasons why you would make the best senior planner, you better consider yourself, if you're ready for this commitment.
How do I breathe
Without you here by my side?
How will I see
When your love brought me to the light?
Where do I go
When your heart's where I lay my head?
When you're not with me,
How do I breathe?
How do I breathe?
| | |
| `Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
I was remembering about 4 years back when Tracy, Tami and Sheona had decided to go home from my house through my backyard woods. It was really dark, and dumb on our part, to agree to do this, but I remember the day after when they told me the story. Apparently, when they had went out, they took the wrong turn and couldn't find their way out of hte forest( this is the time before cellphones). It was getting darker and darker, and they couldn't find their way back and the trail was getting thinner and thinner. And as the trail got thinner and thinner, they were unable to walk side by side. They then began to argue who would be at the end of the line. No one wanted to be the first in the line, because, as all horror movie fans know, the first one leading the line is always the last one to be eaten or attacked by the serial killer. THey argued and pushed as only Sheona and Tracy can for a while as they moved forward into the woods. Eventually, they no longer had to worry, because they found themselves in Robbie's backyard, and all was well. When I recalled this story I remember the discussion about which part of hte line was the best to be in. All of us agreed that the front of the line was the worst. Because you'd die in prolonged terror, and that is just plain torture. Some of us prefered to die first because that was a quick and easy and less suspenseful death. The middle was ok, because you weren't held in suspense for long. But the beginning of hte line, you'd die alone. In a way, this story applies to everything. I would never want to be alone in death because it's something unknown. Does it hurt to die? Is it quick? I would hate to be by myself wondering these questions as I die. I'd rather have some one there I love, to distract me from the questions. And then I realize how much i've been relying on the people in my life.. So iin all of this, I want to thank you guys. Moreover, I want to propose an event for Teens Group. For one of our connections nights I think we ought to set up something private in a public place in which people can come in tell us (complete strangers) the trials they go through, and let them just spill it all out, or if they're not comfortable with that, we could post up a box for people to write their troubles in, and write their first name in so that we can pray for them, so that they won't feel like their alone and unsupported.
This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I'll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up!
When you're Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.
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Now the son's disgraced
He, who knew his father
When he cursed his name
Turned, and chased the dollar
But it broke his heart
So he stuck his middle finger
To the world
To the world
To the world
And you take your time
And you stand in line
Well you'll get what's yours
I got mine
I am happy to say, Senior Breakfast is over and done with. FInito, out of mind. and most of all, abundant in food. Not only were we able to feed everyone with bagels and donuts and baked goods galore, but we have 5 costco sized boxes of leftover food. and the best part: it's going to Mana...HOORAY(J D would've said its hte fact that everything, baskets and drinks and cream cheese and decorations and food, were all under $200), and here we thought the food would run out, but our prayers were answered and we got more than enough food to feed 700 people. Some even went to the point of gluttony (AHEMbyron) and had to have 7 bagels and 5 donuts and 1 muffin. Truly amazing. Too bad we were short on cream cheese and drinks. But that's OK, cause we've got a giant on our side.(haha)
However, what made me really sad was think about those who missed this breakfast, cause they dropped out, or ran away. If only they'd pushed through a little longer, they could have had this meal with us. If they hadn't abandoned the world because their illusions of hte world proved false, they would have seen today, the miracle of food we were given. and enjoyed this last year with us. But they gave up hope because a let down. that to me today, was the downer on my day.
I see your dirty face
Hide behind your collar
What is done in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
So you pray to God
To justify the way you live a lie, live a lie, live a lie
And you take your time
And you do your crime
Well you made your bed
I'm in mine
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| Someday I hope to say I tried everything I could
I’m not sure I won the war, but you never fought so good
Should I take a longer view?
Should I take my time and follow through?
It’s all I can do to keep breathing....
Yeah, so this year, has been quite the whirlwind. Who ever knew that in order to plan the perfect Prom, you have to start now? Well, obviously, I didn't get the memo, cause I'm rushing here and there juggling Senior Breakfast, Homecoming Hall, and Prom. But then, when everything leaves me tired and frustrated, I wonder, what's the point of all this? Of one morning? One night? and it just makes me even more frustrated, cause it just seems so.....temporary for the many months of planning efforts, a waste. And none of it really seems like...beneficial. No one's gonna get life altering consequences (for the better) because of Prom. Sure they might get life altering consequences like being some girl's baby daddy, but why would i want to be the cause of that? And that gets me even more nervours cause who wants to plan a night that leads to THAT? But I guess it's back to basics for me, when i figure out how God does his magic during Prom, i guess THEN it'll all be worth it. But it's just so hard....On a happy note though, Senior Breakfast is going to be the best this school's ever seen...we've even got a theme going, and we're getting a carousel for our Prom. so how're you freshies gonna top that? See ya at the pole.
By the way, anyone wanna help with the skit for Christmas Cafe? I've got a gist of what I wanna do, but i don't know how to end it...
Is somebody out there to keep me in the fight?
Is somebody out there to take my side?
Is somebody out there to ease my troubled mind?
‘Cause I need someone with time to spare
I get caught all alone out there everytime
I find no room to grow when I look inside my soul
But I swear, there was something there that somebody came and stole
Same cross, different day
You get lost somewhere along the way
When there’s no one left to believe in
Cho.
Same cross, different day
You get lost somewhere along the way
When there’s no one left to believe in you
Is somebody out there to keep me in the fight?
Is somebody out there to take my side?
Is somebody out there to ease my troubled mind?
‘Cause I need someone with time to spare
I get caught all alone out there everytime
I’m easy to find
Don’t leave me behind
Don’t leave me behind
No... | | |
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